painful deppression

the life i live is like paranormal ghost story untold and ment to be felt i live in pain everyday suffering from illness that's never been wanted in my life spent days crying wishing to be heard sometimes i have this rage to scream yell at myself in the mirror have this anger to hit n kill something just killing it continuously or be in a fight to be bashed to death or kill someone i have stressed for not trying to be good enough have this frustrating for living like this for all these years dreams of the past followed by worst-est memories and the dead watching me yes i worshipped the dead but that's over now that's when i want to be dead to stop this illness but now its controlling me killing me i need help now someone read this feel what i feel n mainly help me before burst into agony please help me